A Lifetime Ago

Seems like a whole lifetime passed since my last post. And technically it did. What a whirlwind of emotion! From driving 7 hours to visit my son only to find him sick and unable to hang out to watching fireworks alone on a porch in the middle of nowhere, Tennessee to being dumped the day after it was a heart crusher.

After I said adieu to my son and my anxious doggo who stood on her hind legs on the leather recliner we had snuggled in to hug me goodbye, I was keenly aware my life had just reconciled. Not in my favor either.

On the depressing drive back home I had to face all of my knee jerk reactions since 2021. Let me tell you that was a painful journey too. It's cost me dearly. There were moments I struggled to dry my eyes so I could see to maintain a straight line on I-65 South. It felt like someone had turned on a faucet behind my eyeballs and my eyes were flooded with an endless stream. Even now my stomach turns as I scoop the whipped cream out of my cold coffee in an effort to smother my emotions in public.

To keep myself moving forward I also have to acknowledge the wins in the middle of the chaos. My son is chasing his dreams in Nashville, has a loving girlfriend, and a job he loves as an EMT. All because I leapt and moved him to Tennessee. He's happy. And he loves our dog and watches over her well-being. They have each other and all will be okay. Somehow. I'll try a new church tomorrow and attempt to rebuild my friend circle here. Time to chip away at the guilt and boldly step into this new path I carved. It's going to be okay :-)