Can't Just Die

Like I wrote in my poem, "Can't just die, gotta live my highest high." That's my anthem for heading back to my new life. My visit home is coming to an end today. So is my heartbreak, hopefully. It finally dawned on me this morning how many times I was made to feel I didn’t measure up. Whether from a picture of myself in the past or present to my administrative skills.

I wasn’t enough. Or, at least that’s how it appeared. I’ve fought that demon my whole life and I’m done. At my age, you know who you are. You know what you’re capable of and you don’t want someone making you feel like you’re lacking.

I’ve always been a dreamer but a hard worker, loyal friend, smart and quick to learn, published writer, selfless mother. I am faithful to my family and friends and I keep my word. I’m creative, fun, and adventurous. I try to make every day, every moment count. And if I love you, God help me, I will spend my days trying to make you happy. Maybe I should copy and paste this to a dating site???

Anyway, I won’t spend the second half of my life trying to prove myself to anyone. I know who I am - and who I’m not - and those who love me know who I am. No one else matters. Maybe I didn’t lose to love in this town. There’s lots of love for me here. Friends who want to see me, family who want to hang out with me, even former co-workers.

I’d like to think I leave a mark wherever I go. It’s not perfect. Probably not significant, but people do remember me. I try to bring light, laughter, and caring wherever I go. Because that’s who I am. I will wait for the man who cherishes these attributes and fights to have them in his life.

Mind adjusted, heart corrected, I think it’s time to move on. Keeping it simple and not changing a thing. I’m signing off with a hopeful heart and a steady course before me. Let’s see where it leads...