Dangling Hope

As I untangled the silver chain and watched the charms dangle, I fought intense childhood feelings. See, one charm simply says "FAITH" in a silver rectangle. The other is a heart-shaped encasement with a teensy-tinsy mustard seed trapped inside.

Admittedly, that charm was battering me with the most emotional damage at that moment. Everything it meant, everything it didn't mean, everything it should mean. Back in my Sunday School days, I had won something similar with a mustard seed pressed in it for memorizing all of the books in the New Testament of the Bible. I was so excited because I felt like Jack with a magic bean!

I was a child with a giant, yet suppressed heart beating inside my chest and that mustard seed meant something to me then. It meant hope because of the words of Jesus in Matthew 17:20. "20 He replied, Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."

At that time, I accepted those words at face value. I knew my dreams would come true as long as I believed. Fast forward a few decades to this morning and those charms figuratively stabbed me in the heart every time they beat against my chest as I hooked the chain around my neck.

My mom bought me this necklace for no reason at all and I want it to mean something again. And the words to inspire hope instead of reminders of dead dreams. For now, having the courage to even hook it on my body will have to do as faith. Sometimes the small things matter like simple prayers, smiling when you're sad, and getting up when you want to sleep away your heartbreak.

Today is a hard day for a lot of people for many reasons, maybe because of dead dreams. But, I hope you can find beauty in it somewhere and somehow reconcile with a hopeful version of yourself. Happy Thanksgiving and cheers to you for a brighter tomorrow.