Gnawing Knowing

Ever felt heavy in your heart and you don't why? Sometimes I wonder if it's because I'm a moody artist. Sadly, I wish that was all it boiled down to, but more often than not, it's like I know something I don't want to admit. Like something is coming to an end.

Whether it be a friendship, dating relationship, or a non-productive creative venture. It's a feeling I can't explain and definitely don't understand. For two days I've been functioning under that "knowing" gnawing and I can't figure out the source of it.

I did have a distressing dream last night. Not sure if that simply exacerbated the existing feeling sitting in my gut like a 10 lb. weight or if it was a new truth. But in the dream a very close friend came to visit and then it was time for them to fly home. I found out later they didn't make it home, they died along the way somehow.

Talk about a bummer for your first thought of the day! Unfortunately, I'm just going to have to stand still in not knowing. I've lived long enough to learn that we don't get to know or understand everything. We only get to control our response to it. Sigh****

Not going to lie I don't know anyone in my circle that loves that situation. I will press on day by day and see where it leads me. When you get to my age you get better at letting go. By this stage in life you know that if something falls apart and breaks your heart, it probably wasn't good for you anyway :-(