Heart Crimes...Moving with a Broken Heart

At my age, moving is enough on its own. Dragging years of your life to another location away from friends and loved ones feels like a crime. A crime against your circle of support, a crime against your heart, a crime against your comfort zone. Add devastation from love-gone-wrong to the mix and you have a dangerous case of heart overload.

It's now week 4 and I'm rounding a corner. But I fought to survive the first three weeks emotionally. Sporadic crying, emotional meltdowns, and embarrassing scenes of suddenly running out of the room to hide. There were so many tears and breakdowns it was hard to discern what the tears were for. I couldn't sort them out. I just knew I was dying inside, and I wanted it to stop.

It was hard to mask the pain at work. When you work in an environment where you're expected to perform and not have feelings, it can push you to the edge in a situation like this. Many times, I thought of running to my car and just driving back to where I came from.

Even the emotional side effects from performing simple tasks like driving in town and not knowing anyone were overwhelming. Or like trying to deposit a check into your bank that's 400 miles away and no one helping you. Squashing three pets who have now lost the freedom of outside privileges into a small flat and expecting them to get along.

Every morning you wake up and you don't know where you are and say to yourself, "What have I done?" Restless nights of regret wishing you could wake up in your old life. Then that blessed corner comes into view and without consent or prior knowledge you take a turn. Later, you realize something happened at that last turn, you left something behind. Your load of sorrow is gone and you can see more than 4 feet in front of you.

Hope is lighting your way. The proverbial "Light at the end of the tunnel." Then you remember who you are. You're strong. You're a survivor. Your heart will reinflate over time, and you will come out on the other side like you always have. You will adapt and overcome.

I'm a walking testimonial! For the first time in 4 weeks, I think I did the right thing. Now it's time to attack. Remember the reason I came and march toward my dream. I am excited about my tomorrows again. All because I didn't jump in my car and drive home. I am a warrior!